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The CRE Humor Jokes

Quick Close Starter Pack: DSCR Math vs Landlord Hopes

ricklahkar
Jun 18
1 min read

Broker: It's a 'quick close' - just need estoppels, SNDAs, and that 400-page CAM autopsy Lender: DSCR looks perfect... if the rent roll matched bank statements and the roof isn't 1991 Appraiser: Used a 2019 comp with gravel parking and a goat Owner/Landlord brain: Add $1.50 NNN, 5-year extension, zero TI, call it 'value-add' 🤡

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Broker: LOI signed, easy close Lender: Need T-12, rent roll, SNDA, estoppels, Phase I, ALTA survey, and your blood type Appraiser: Using a 2013 Kmart comp; value says your cap rate is a bedtime story

Clear to Close* (*Until Lender Remembers Global Cash Flow)

Broker: LOI signed, victory lap Lender: Need SNDA, updated estoppels, 12-month roof reserve, and your left shoe Landlord: NNNs reconcile after CAM true-up, security guard, and 47 'misc.' line items Cl

Mailbox Money vs Co-Tenancy Grenade

Expectation: Mailbox money Reality: Co-tenancy clause detonates when the anchor sneezes Lender: Need 1.25x DSCR and a time machine Owner: Can Excel model 'vibes-based NOI'? 🧮😵‍💫

The CRE Humor Jokes

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