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The CRE Humor Jokes

Proforma: Easy Close — Lenders & Appraisers: Hold My Cap Rate

Broker: Proforma NOI is rock solid—just normalize the 'temporary' 35% vacancy Lender: Noted—DSCR 1.12, so lower LTV, partial recourse, and maybe your truck Appraiser: Great news—perfect comp if your asset was a 2009 C-class warehouse in a cornfield Me: Updating Excel v9 while the client asks for 30 months free rent 🫠

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Term Sheet Says Yes, Appraisal Says LOL

Broker: LOI signed, lender nodding, I preorder the 'Closed' banner Lender: send updated T-12, live rent roll, and proof the roof isn’t a rumor Appraiser: found comps from a C-minus two zip codes away—

 
 
 
When the Appraiser Nukes Your Cap Rate at 4:59 PM

Broker: It pencils at 6.25% cap, T-12 trending up, pro forma tight Lender: Committee wants actuals, SNDAs, and my weekend Appraiser: Calls it 'stabilized' then shaves 12% because a 2009 comp sneezed M

 
 
 

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