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The CRE Humor Jokes

Pro Forma Said 8 Cap, Appraiser Said Vibes Only

Broker: Pro forma shows 8.5% cap, stabilized Day 1 Lender: Cool, just need T-12, T-3, rent roll, estoppels, and your childhood immunization record Appraiser: Found a 2016 comp 40 miles away; adjusted value -47% because "parking feels mid" 🤔 Client: Thought this was turnkey Me: It’s 2:03 a.m., Excel screaming CIRCULAR REFERENCE while IRR does witness protection šŸ˜µā€šŸ’«

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Appraisal vs Pro Forma: 12 Rounds, No Survivors

Broker: It’s a slam dunk at $12M, 6 cap, 1.35x DSCR—trust the pro forma Lender: Cool—just need T-12, T-3, T-everything, three liquidity letters, and your soul Appraiser: Comp from 2019 two zip codes a

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Broker Math vs Appraiser Math: The DSCR Hunger Games

Broker: Rents surging, 6-cap, flawless lease-up—close in 30 days Lender: Upload v43 of T-12, then we’ll haircut NOI like it’s Black Friday Appraiser: Pulled comps from 2017; value equals one churro an

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When the Appraisal Hunts Comps in Narnia

Broker: Pro forma DSCR 1.30x, rate cap secured, easy close Lender: Cool—send T-12, T-3, rent roll, real DSCR, and a notarized blood type Appraiser: Closest comp is an alpaca barn 27 miles away; adjust

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