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The CRE Humor Jokes

Pro Forma Said 8 Cap, Appraiser Said Vibes Only

Broker: Pro forma shows 8.5% cap, stabilized Day 1 Lender: Cool, just need T-12, T-3, rent roll, estoppels, and your childhood immunization record Appraiser: Found a 2016 comp 40 miles away; adjusted value -47% because "parking feels mid" 🤔 Client: Thought this was turnkey Me: It’s 2:03 a.m., Excel screaming CIRCULAR REFERENCE while IRR does witness protection šŸ˜µā€šŸ’«

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Term Sheet Says Yes, Appraisal Says LOL

Broker: LOI signed, lender nodding, I preorder the 'Closed' banner Lender: send updated T-12, live rent roll, and proof the roof isn’t a rumor Appraiser: found comps from a C-minus two zip codes away—

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When the Appraiser Nukes Your Cap Rate at 4:59 PM

Broker: It pencils at 6.25% cap, T-12 trending up, pro forma tight Lender: Committee wants actuals, SNDAs, and my weekend Appraiser: Calls it 'stabilized' then shaves 12% because a 2009 comp sneezed M

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