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The CRE Humor Jokes

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Owner Math: 6-Cap Dreams, 10-Cap Problems

Owner: It’s NNN, totally passive Tenant: Here’s a 38-page CAM reconciliation and a mysterious HVAC squeal Lender: Need T-12, current rent roll, SNDA, and proof the roof is immortal by 4:59pm Appraiser: Pulled comps from a 2009 Blockbuster and a goat yoga barn Me: Argus says 1.30x, Excel says #REF!, DSCR says “lol no” 🧮😂

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PSA Says As-Is, Roof Says As-If

Client: It's turnkey Roof: Turns key... into indoor waterfall Lender: Need updated rent roll, SNDA, estoppels, and proof the parking lot is real Me underwriting at 2 a.m.: If I add back hope and duct

 
 
 
Broker vs Lender vs Appraiser: The DSCR Hunger Games

Broker: DSCR pencils at 1.35 easy Lender: After one tiny stress test it's 1.19 and your LTV is vibes Client: Can we close Friday? Appraiser: Comped your Class A to a llama barn 40 miles away 📉 Me at

 
 
 

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