My Proforma Says Beach House, The Appraisal Says Lunch Money

Broker: Underwrote at 6.25% cap, 75% LTV, DSCR 1.30—beach house pending Appraiser: It’s a 5.2% cap, 63% LTV, DSCR if you hold it sideways Landlord: TI = $85/SF, 10 months free, and "market" CAM reconciliation—totally fine Lender: Cool, send SNDA, estoppels, Phase I, and a rent roll with birth certificates—by EOD Me: Rebuilding the model for the 47th time while the 1031 clock laughs ⏳