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The CRE Humor Jokes

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My Pro Forma Said 6 Cap; Lender Said “Cute”

Broker: Pro forma 6 cap, stabilized day one Lender: Cool - send T-12, T-3, rent roll, TI/LC, and your last three birthdays Appraiser: Adjusted for roof life, parking slope, and optimism - value equals lunch money 🍔 Me in Excel: If I hide Column G, DSCR magically > 1.25, right? 😬

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Term Sheet Says Yes, Appraisal Says LOL

Broker: LOI signed, lender nodding, I preorder the 'Closed' banner Lender: send updated T-12, live rent roll, and proof the roof isn’t a rumor Appraiser: found comps from a C-minus two zip codes away—

 
 
 
When the Appraiser Nukes Your Cap Rate at 4:59 PM

Broker: It pencils at 6.25% cap, T-12 trending up, pro forma tight Lender: Committee wants actuals, SNDAs, and my weekend Appraiser: Calls it 'stabilized' then shaves 12% because a 2009 comp sneezed M

 
 
 

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