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The CRE Humor Jokes

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My LOI Says 'As-Is'; The Seller Heard 'As-If'

Broker: Pro forma says $45/SF NNN Lender: Underwrote $31/SF, 15% vacancy, and a meteor strike Client: 'Add free rent, TI, and a unicorn clause' Me: Explaining why DSCR hates feelings while re-labeling Tab 27 of the Excel 'final_FINAL_v9' 🥲

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Expectation: 5 Cap, Reality: Tenant Pays in Vibes

Broker: Stabilized, 98% occupied, turn-key asset Lender: Cool, just need rent roll, 12 estoppels, SNDA, updated ALTA, and your firstborn Me in Excel at 2:47am: NOI says yes, roof, HVAC, and CAMs say l

 
 
 
When the Lender Says One More Item for the 47th Time

Broker: LOI signed, easy close Lender: Need T-12, rent roll, SNDA, estoppels, Phase I, ALTA survey, and your blood type Appraiser: Using a 2013 Kmart comp; value says your cap rate is a bedtime story

 
 
 

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