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The CRE Humor Jokes

LOI Signed, Sanity Declined: Appraisal Speedrun

Broker: LOI at $18/SF NNN—easy win Lender: Need T-12, estoppels, SNDA, and proof the tenant isn’t a hologram Appraiser: Used a 1978 goat barn comp 12 miles away, value -8% Landlord: Why? Me: Cap rates did CrossFit overnight 🥲🐐

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Mailbox Money vs Co-Tenancy Grenade

Expectation: Mailbox money Reality: Co-tenancy clause detonates when the anchor sneezes Lender: Need 1.25x DSCR and a time machine Owner: Can Excel model 'vibes-based NOI'? 🧮😵‍💫

 
 
 

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