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The CRE Humor Jokes

LOI Says Turnkey, My Pro Forma Says Turn-cry

Broker: We're clear to close Friday Lender: Cool - just need T-12, clean rent roll, SNDA/estoppels, and a Phase I that time-travels Client: It's NNN | Me: Then why does CAM read like a multiverse? šŸ˜‚ Excel: DSCR 1.25 | Reality: 0.98 after insurance; Title at 11:59 PM: surprise UCC-1 - see you in Q4 🤔

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NNN 'Easy Deal' Speedrun: Broker vs Lender vs Client

Broker: It’s a vanilla NNN, clean Phase I, we coast to close Lender: Need 12 months trailing, 3 estoppels, roof warranty from 1997, and the tenant’s favorite cereal Client: Can we close Friday if we s

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DSCR Olympics: Broker Says 1.30, Lender Brings a Microscope

Broker: It’s a clean 1.30 DSCR, seller covers CAM, easy close Lender: After ā€˜normalized’ vacancy, true taxes, roof reserve… 1.09 Appraiser: Best comp is a llama farm with a drive-thru, still ā€˜market’

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When DSCR Won’t Commit But My Coffee Will

Client: Can we close Friday? Lender: Send updated T-12, estoppels, SNDA, Phase I, and proof the roof isn’t from 1978 Me opening Excel: why does CAM math have 19 tabs and a hidden sorcery sheet ā˜ ļø DSCR

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