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The CRE Humor Jokes

LOI: 1 Page. Lease: 97 Pages. My Sanity: 0

Sep 14

1 min read

Owner: NNN, zero landlord duties CAM: actually... annual true-up + roof reserve + 'admin' fee Lender: send fresh rent roll, T-12, SNDA, estoppels by EOD Me 11:59pm: Excel IRR swings 200 bps if HVAC is from '98; printer smoking 🧮😵‍💫

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Your Rent Roll Says 'Stabilized' — My DSCR Says 'Therapy'

Broker: Stabilized at 95% Lender: Send T-12, rent roll, and proof the roof isn't 1998 Me: Finds $0.50/SF free rent in month 13, a CAM cap from 2004, and a ghost tenant named 'Suite TBD' 😵 Owner: So w

The CRE Humor Jokes

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