ChatGPT Image Mar 21, 2026, 05_41_11 PM.png

The CRE Humor Jokes

Expectation vs Reality: The 4:59pm Email That Nuked My Cap Rate

ricklahkar
Apr 30
1 min read

Expectation: 6.25% cap, 1.35x DSCR, lender loves it Reality: T-12 shows zero CAM, HVAC obituary, estoppels signed by Manager probably Lender at 4:59pm: need fresh Phase I, ALTA update, proof the anchor isn't month-to-month 😬 Me to landlord: can we extend closing; Landlord: sure, add 50 bps and name your firstborn Estoppel 😂

Recent Posts

See All

NNN 'Easy Deal' Speedrun: Broker vs Lender vs Client

Broker: It’s a vanilla NNN, clean Phase I, we coast to close Lender: Need 12 months trailing, 3 estoppels, roof warranty from 1997, and the tenant’s favorite cereal Client: Can we close Friday if we s

DSCR Olympics: Broker Says 1.30, Lender Brings a Microscope

Broker: It’s a clean 1.30 DSCR, seller covers CAM, easy close Lender: After ‘normalized’ vacancy, true taxes, roof reserve… 1.09 Appraiser: Best comp is a llama farm with a drive-thru, still ‘market’

When DSCR Won’t Commit But My Coffee Will

Client: Can we close Friday? Lender: Send updated T-12, estoppels, SNDA, Phase I, and proof the roof isn’t from 1978 Me opening Excel: why does CAM math have 19 tabs and a hidden sorcery sheet ☠️ DSCR

The CRE Humor Jokes

Comments