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The CRE Humor Jokes

Expectation vs Reality: SNDAs, Estoppels, and the Crying Copier

ricklahkar
Jul 6
1 min read

Client: We need turnkey by Friday Me: Easy—after 14 SNDAs, 9 estoppels, an ALTA that isn't from 2007, and a Phase I without 'mystery barrels' 😬 Lender: DSCR checks out, but let’s add 12 months TI/LC and a roof reserve because Mercury is in retrograde Excel: Circular reference detected; My sanity: also circular

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Expectation: 5 Cap, Reality: Tenant Pays in Vibes

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When the Lender Says One More Item for the 47th Time

Broker: LOI signed, easy close Lender: Need T-12, rent roll, SNDA, estoppels, Phase I, ALTA survey, and your blood type Appraiser: Using a 2013 Kmart comp; value says your cap rate is a bedtime story

Clear to Close* (*Until Lender Remembers Global Cash Flow)

Broker: LOI signed, victory lap Lender: Need SNDA, updated estoppels, 12-month roof reserve, and your left shoe Landlord: NNNs reconcile after CAM true-up, security guard, and 47 'misc.' line items Cl

The CRE Humor Jokes

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