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The CRE Humor Jokes

Expectation: NNN. Reality: Not Not Not.

Client: We want a clean NNN, 6% cap, turnkey, $100/SF, closing Friday Broker: Found it—except roof, parking, HVAC, snow, CAM, and vibes are landlord’s Lender: Send T-12, current rent roll, SNDAs, estoppels, and proof of time travel Excel: I add $0.25 CAM; DSCR drops from 1.30 to 2008—IRR rage-quit 😂🔥

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Mailbox Money vs Co-Tenancy Grenade

Expectation: Mailbox money Reality: Co-tenancy clause detonates when the anchor sneezes Lender: Need 1.25x DSCR and a time machine Owner: Can Excel model 'vibes-based NOI'? 🧮😵‍💫

 
 
 

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