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The CRE Humor Jokes

Expectation: 6 Cap. Reality: My DSCR Needs Therapy

Broker: Clean deal, 30-day close Lender: Need updated rent roll, estoppels, SNDAs, Phase I addendum, and maybe your firstborn Client: Can we do 90% LTC at SOFR flat with seller credits? Title Co: Found a 1963 mule easement straight through your loading dock Me in Excel Tab 57: If a national coffee chain signs tomorrow and the assessor naps, we live ☕😂

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Expectation: 5 Cap, Reality: Tenant Pays in Vibes

Broker: Stabilized, 98% occupied, turn-key asset Lender: Cool, just need rent roll, 12 estoppels, SNDA, updated ALTA, and your firstborn Me in Excel at 2:47am: NOI says yes, roof, HVAC, and CAMs say l

 
 
 

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