ChatGPT Image Mar 21, 2026, 05_41_11 PM.png

The CRE Humor Jokes

Expectation: 6% Cap; Reality: DSCR Said Lol

ricklahkar
Jun 21
1 min read

Broker: 6% cap, 65% LTV, non-recourse - easy win Lender: Need 1.30 DSCR, T-12 not T-3, rate cap escrow and TI/LC reserves Appraiser: Comps are a cornfield, a church, and a 2018 mall - value: meh 😬 Me: Rebuilding Excel v47; NOI vanished; still telling client we're close 🧮

Recent Posts

See All

Term Sheet Says Yes, Appraisal Says LOL

Broker: LOI signed, lender nodding, I preorder the 'Closed' banner Lender: send updated T-12, live rent roll, and proof the roof isn’t a rumor Appraiser: found comps from a C-minus two zip codes away—

Appraisal Says Vibes, Lender Says No, My Model Says Please

Broker: PSA at $12M Appraiser: Comps say $9.4M and vibes Lender: 55% LTV, DSCR 1.35 on a pro forma we won’t count 🙂 Me: Rebuilding the model at 1:13 AM, begging tenants for estoppels 🧮

When the Appraiser Nukes Your Cap Rate at 4:59 PM

Broker: It pencils at 6.25% cap, T-12 trending up, pro forma tight Lender: Committee wants actuals, SNDAs, and my weekend Appraiser: Calls it 'stabilized' then shaves 12% because a 2009 comp sneezed M

The CRE Humor Jokes

Comments