ChatGPT Image Mar 21, 2026, 05_41_11 PM.png

The CRE Humor Jokes

Expectation: 6 Cap. Reality: 47 Emails and a Roof From 1987

ricklahkar
May 7
1 min read

Me: Buying a 6 cap for mailbox money off pro forma NOI Reality: Lender wants a 3rd Phase I, ALTA redraw, and a fresh estoppel from the vape shop Appraisal: Uses a comp next to a cornfield; DSCR: 1.24 😬 Seller: “As-is.” Roof: 1987. Tenant: asks for 10 months free + $60/SF TI at LOI signature 🫠

Recent Posts

See All

Expectation: 5 Cap, Reality: Tenant Pays in Vibes

Broker: Stabilized, 98% occupied, turn-key asset Lender: Cool, just need rent roll, 12 estoppels, SNDA, updated ALTA, and your firstborn Me in Excel at 2:47am: NOI says yes, roof, HVAC, and CAMs say l

When the Lender Says One More Item for the 47th Time

Broker: LOI signed, easy close Lender: Need T-12, rent roll, SNDA, estoppels, Phase I, ALTA survey, and your blood type Appraiser: Using a 2013 Kmart comp; value says your cap rate is a bedtime story

Clear to Close* (*Until Lender Remembers Global Cash Flow)

Broker: LOI signed, victory lap Lender: Need SNDA, updated estoppels, 12-month roof reserve, and your left shoe Landlord: NNNs reconcile after CAM true-up, security guard, and 47 'misc.' line items Cl

The CRE Humor Jokes

Comments