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The CRE Humor Jokes

Estoppel Olympics at 11:59PM: Broker vs Lender vs Owner

Broker: LOI inked, NNN ‘light value-add’ (translation: permits and prayers) Lender: Need 36 tenant estoppels, SNDA from RadioShack’s ghost, and a Phase 1.5 Owner: Rent roll as a blurry photo; CAM recs done on a napkin 😂 Me in Excel at 2:03am: change 4% vacancy to 5% → IRR rage-quits; still telling client ‘tremendous optionality’ 🙂

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Expectation: 5 Cap, Reality: Tenant Pays in Vibes

Broker: Stabilized, 98% occupied, turn-key asset Lender: Cool, just need rent roll, 12 estoppels, SNDA, updated ALTA, and your firstborn Me in Excel at 2:47am: NOI says yes, roof, HVAC, and CAMs say l

 
 
 

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