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The CRE Humor Jokes

Due Diligence Speedrun: Wiped by the Estoppel Boss

Expectation: 10-day DD, clean estoppels, seller responsive Reality: Phase I finds a 1978 fuel tank, estoppel signed by the dog, seller on a cruise Broker: still on track šŸ‘ Lender: need PCA, ALTA, survey, rent roll audit, and your first-born by EOD šŸ˜‚

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Phase I Said 'Minor REC' And My Cap Rate Started Screaming

Broker: DD is light; me opens data room: FINAL_v12_FINAL2 šŸ˜µā€šŸ’« Lender: need one more thing—PCA, updated ALTA, zoning letter, 10 estoppels, SNDA from ghost tenant Phase I: minor REC (1997 dry cleaner

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When the ALTA hits and your pro forma taps out

Broker: Off-market, 'light lift' 🧮 My model: 47 tabs, 19 IRR cases, cell G37 chained to a prayer Lender: Need refreshed Phase I, ALTA v3, estoppels, SNDAs, and your Q4 soul Seller: BTW NOI includes m

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