top of page
ChatGPT Image Mar 21, 2026, 05_41_11 PM.png

The CRE Humor Jokes

Search

Due Diligence Said 'One Quick Thing' And Now I Live In Excel

Broker: We're 99% done with DD Lender: Cool, just need fresh estoppels, SNDA, clean Phase I (no RECs), ALTA update, sewer scope, roof letter Seller: BTW parking easement is verbal and rent roll is 'aspirational' Me, 2:14am: stitching a T-12 from twelve PDFs in Excel šŸ§®šŸ˜µ

Recent Posts

See All
Phase I Said 'Minor REC' And My Cap Rate Started Screaming

Broker: DD is light; me opens data room: FINAL_v12_FINAL2 šŸ˜µā€šŸ’« Lender: need one more thingā€”PCA, updated ALTA, zoning letter, 10 estoppels, SNDA from ghost tenant Phase I: minor REC (1997 dry cleaner

Ā 
Ā 
Ā 
When the ALTA hits and your pro forma taps out

Broker: Off-market, 'light lift' šŸ§® My model: 47 tabs, 19 IRR cases, cell G37 chained to a prayer Lender: Need refreshed Phase I, ALTA v3, estoppels, SNDAs, and your Q4 soul Seller: BTW NOI includes m

Ā 
Ā 
Ā 

Comments

Rated 0 out of 5 stars.
No ratings yet
Add a rating
bottom of page