ChatGPT Image Mar 21, 2026, 05_41_11 PM.png

The CRE Humor Jokes

Due Diligence Hard Mode: Phase II, 14 Estoppels, and a 1999 Roof

ricklahkar
Apr 18
1 min read

Broker: DD is light, just a quick look Environmental: surprise tanks from 1978, enjoy a Phase II Lender: need roof report, sewer scope, and 14 estoppels by COB Me: re-underwriting for the 6th time while seller calls the roof new (in 1999) 😵‍💫🫠

Recent Posts

See All

Phase I Said Clean... Then the 1986 Dry Cleaner Spawned

Broker: DD is chill, just a Phase I and estoppels Lender: Also need SNDA, zoning letter, ALTA, flood cert, and your firstborn Env Consultant: Phase I found a 1986 dry cleaner, Phase II o'clock 🫠 Clie

Phase I Says “Probably Fine” — DSCR Says “Absolutely Not”

Broker: It’s a light value-add Environmental: Former dry cleaner—vapor intrusion speedrun Lender: Cut proceeds, add repair reserves, and I still need 27 estoppels + SNDA Me: Re-trading at 2 a.m. while

Due Diligence Jenga: One More Estoppel And We're Out

Broker: LOI signed, PSA clean, we're cruising Lender: Need fresh estoppels, SNDA, ALTA, Phase I that says 'no vibes,' and a 1.35 DSCR in a 1.10 world 😵‍💫 Buyer: Underwrote at 6.25% cap; Seller heard

The CRE Humor Jokes

Comments