top of page
ChatGPT Image Mar 21, 2026, 05_41_11 PM.png

The CRE Humor Jokes

Search

Due Diligence Hard Mode: Phase II, 14 Estoppels, and a 1999 Roof

Broker: DD is light, just a quick look Environmental: surprise tanks from 1978, enjoy a Phase II Lender: need roof report, sewer scope, and 14 estoppels by COB Me: re-underwriting for the 6th time while seller calls the roof new (in 1999) šŸ˜µā€šŸ’«šŸ« 

Recent Posts

See All
Phase I Said 'Minor REC' And My Cap Rate Started Screaming

Broker: DD is light; me opens data room: FINAL_v12_FINAL2 šŸ˜µā€šŸ’« Lender: need one more thingā€”PCA, updated ALTA, zoning letter, 10 estoppels, SNDA from ghost tenant Phase I: minor REC (1997 dry cleaner

Ā 
Ā 
Ā 
When the ALTA hits and your pro forma taps out

Broker: Off-market, 'light lift' šŸ§® My model: 47 tabs, 19 IRR cases, cell G37 chained to a prayer Lender: Need refreshed Phase I, ALTA v3, estoppels, SNDAs, and your Q4 soul Seller: BTW NOI includes m

Ā 
Ā 
Ā 

Comments

Rated 0 out of 5 stars.
No ratings yet
Add a rating
bottom of page