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The CRE Humor Jokes

Due Diligence Dungeon Speedrun (Broker vs Lender vs Landlord)

Broker: We close Friday Lender: Cool, just need 2014-present estoppels, original SNDAs, a Phase I that isn’t from MySpace, and proof the roof isn’t a rumor Landlord: Tenant just triggered co-tenancy because the vape shop’s fish died Me importing T-12 into Excel: Why does CAM reconcile to vibes? DSCR 1.25 -> 0.98 after the 'updated' rent roll ☠️

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Mailbox Money vs Co-Tenancy Grenade

Expectation: Mailbox money Reality: Co-tenancy clause detonates when the anchor sneezes Lender: Need 1.25x DSCR and a time machine Owner: Can Excel model 'vibes-based NOI'? 🧮😵‍💫

 
 
 

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