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The CRE Humor Jokes

Due Diligence Dungeon Speedrun (Broker vs Lender vs Landlord)

Broker: We close Friday Lender: Cool, just need 2014-present estoppels, original SNDAs, a Phase I that isn’t from MySpace, and proof the roof isn’t a rumor Landlord: Tenant just triggered co-tenancy because the vape shop’s fish died Me importing T-12 into Excel: Why does CAM reconcile to vibes? DSCR 1.25 -> 0.98 after the 'updated' rent roll ☠️

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Due Diligence Diet: Lost 5lbs Chasing Estoppels

Broker: We close Friday Lender: Cool, just need updated SNDA, 3 estoppels, and a Phase I that predicts the future Owner: Tenants will sign... after their lawyer returns from OOO until fiscal year 2099

 
 
 
Appraisal Says 'As-Is', My Model Says 'As-If'

Client: Can we close Friday? Lender IC at 4:59pm: need Phase II, SNDA, estoppels, and proof the roof isn’t a rumor Appraiser: Cap rate +50 bps because “tenant mix feels crunchy” Me: adding Other Incom

 
 
 

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