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The CRE Humor Jokes

DSCR Says Yes, Appraiser Says LOL

Expectation: 6% cap, clean Phase I, DSCR 1.30—easy win Reality: Lender needs T-12, T-3, T-1, T-now, and a rent roll notarized by a notary’s notary Appraiser: Pulled 2016 flex comps and deducted for “emotional obsolescence” 😵‍💫 Me in Excel: circular-reference boss fight while client asks if we can close by lunch Friday 🔥

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Term Sheet Says Yes, Appraisal Says LOL

Broker: LOI signed, lender nodding, I preorder the 'Closed' banner Lender: send updated T-12, live rent roll, and proof the roof isn’t a rumor Appraiser: found comps from a C-minus two zip codes away—

 
 
 
When the Appraiser Nukes Your Cap Rate at 4:59 PM

Broker: It pencils at 6.25% cap, T-12 trending up, pro forma tight Lender: Committee wants actuals, SNDAs, and my weekend Appraiser: Calls it 'stabilized' then shaves 12% because a 2009 comp sneezed M

 
 
 

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