top of page
ChatGPT Image Mar 21, 2026, 05_41_11 PM.png

The CRE Humor Jokes

Search

CTC By Friday? My Excel Said LOL And The Phase I Said Dry Cleaner

Broker: CTC by Friday Lender: Just one doc—roof report, 10yr HVAC logs, Phase I that doesn’t whisper former dry cleaner Seller: Rent roll is clean (Suite B exists spiritually; meters are vibes) Me in Excel: IRR 18% until cell C42 remembers real taxes + CAM true-up 😐 Tenant at 9:59pm: Need SNDA, 6 months free, and a goat-friendly use clause 🐐

Recent Posts

See All
NNN 'Easy Deal' Speedrun: Broker vs Lender vs Client

Broker: It’s a vanilla NNN, clean Phase I, we coast to close Lender: Need 12 months trailing, 3 estoppels, roof warranty from 1997, and the tenant’s favorite cereal Client: Can we close Friday if we s

 
 
 
When DSCR Won’t Commit But My Coffee Will

Client: Can we close Friday? Lender: Send updated T-12, estoppels, SNDA, Phase I, and proof the roof isn’t from 1978 Me opening Excel: why does CAM math have 19 tabs and a hidden sorcery sheet ☠️ DSCR

 
 
 

Comments

Rated 0 out of 5 stars.
No ratings yet
Add a rating
bottom of page