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The CRE Humor Jokes

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Closing Day Starter Pack: One More Doc, Zero Chill

Broker: we’re at the finish line Lender: need updated rent roll, estoppels, SNDA, DSCR off yesterday’s T-12, and your weekend Client: let’s retrade 500k because one ceiling tile is vintage 2007 Me: rebuilding the model for the 19th time like it’s CrossFit 🧮😵‍💫

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When DSCR Won’t Commit But My Coffee Will

Client: Can we close Friday? Lender: Send updated T-12, estoppels, SNDA, Phase I, and proof the roof isn’t from 1978 Me opening Excel: why does CAM math have 19 tabs and a hidden sorcery sheet ☠️ DSCR

 
 
 

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