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The CRE Humor Jokes

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Closest Comp Is A Goat Farm And My DSCR Is Crying

Broker: DSCR 1.35, clean T-12, we ballin' Lender: Cool—need 6 estoppels, SNDA from the vape shop, and a Phase I update Appraiser: Best comp is 48 miles away next to a goat farm, market rent vibes-based Me: Adding goat adjacency add-back in Excel and pretending Friday close is real 😂

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Term Sheet Says Yes, Appraisal Says LOL

Broker: LOI signed, lender nodding, I preorder the 'Closed' banner Lender: send updated T-12, live rent roll, and proof the roof isn’t a rumor Appraiser: found comps from a C-minus two zip codes away—

 
 
 
When the Appraiser Nukes Your Cap Rate at 4:59 PM

Broker: It pencils at 6.25% cap, T-12 trending up, pro forma tight Lender: Committee wants actuals, SNDAs, and my weekend Appraiser: Calls it 'stabilized' then shaves 12% because a 2009 comp sneezed M

 
 
 

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