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The CRE Humor Jokes

Clear To Close* (*Until Lender Remembers One More Thing)

Broker: we’re clear to close Lender: need updated Phase I, roof report, SNDA, and a rent roll signed in blood Appraiser: found a 2019 comp—your cap rate is now “manifesting” Me (landlord): stretching NOI in Excel until DSCR hits 1.2500001 🧮😂

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Mailbox Money vs Co-Tenancy Grenade

Expectation: Mailbox money Reality: Co-tenancy clause detonates when the anchor sneezes Lender: Need 1.25x DSCR and a time machine Owner: Can Excel model 'vibes-based NOI'? 🧮😵‍💫

 
 
 

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