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The CRE Humor Jokes

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Clear to Close* (until Lender reads the Appraisal)

Broker: We’re clear to close Lender: Tiny condition—upload T-12, rent roll, SNDA, ALTA, PCA, Phase I, and your sanity Appraiser: Used 3 comps from 2016 across state lines; value = vibes minus 12% 🤡 Client: Why is LTV 55%? Me: DSCR was 1.20 in the OM, 1.08 in Excel—enjoy your cardio closing 🏃‍♂️

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Term Sheet Says Yes, Appraisal Says LOL

Broker: LOI signed, lender nodding, I preorder the 'Closed' banner Lender: send updated T-12, live rent roll, and proof the roof isn’t a rumor Appraiser: found comps from a C-minus two zip codes away—

 
 
 
When the Appraiser Nukes Your Cap Rate at 4:59 PM

Broker: It pencils at 6.25% cap, T-12 trending up, pro forma tight Lender: Committee wants actuals, SNDAs, and my weekend Appraiser: Calls it 'stabilized' then shaves 12% because a 2009 comp sneezed M

 
 
 

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