ChatGPT Image Mar 21, 2026, 05_41_11 PM.png

The CRE Humor Jokes

Clear to Close: The DSCR Delusion

Sep 7

1 min read

Broker: We’re clear to close Friday Lender: Cool—just need updated rent roll, SNDAs from the vape shop + karate dojo, and proof the roof isn’t a rumor Client: Can we go 65%→80% LTV, kill prepay, and lift DSCR to 1.35 with zero new NOI Me: Opening Excel v97 to re-underwrite while the estoppel fairy calls in sick 🫠

Recent Posts

See All

Pro Forma Promises vs Closing Day Plot Twists

Expectation: Buy NNN at 5.25% and go golfing Reality: County reassesses to Mars, 2019 CAM true-up resurfaces, roof dies during lender tour Broker: it’s stabilized | Lender: need T-12, T-3, T-FOREVER |

Simple NNN' They Said. It'll Be Easy, They Said.

Owner: It’s turnkey NNN Lender: Great, send 3 years CAM reconciliations, estoppels from tenants who moved to Guam, and a Phase I that can see the future My Excel: NOI says $1.2M, plumbing says ‘nice t

Your Rent Roll Says 'Stabilized' — My DSCR Says 'Therapy'

Broker: Stabilized at 95% Lender: Send T-12, rent roll, and proof the roof isn't 1998 Me: Finds $0.50/SF free rent in month 13, a CAM cap from 2004, and a ghost tenant named 'Suite TBD' 😵 Owner: So w

The CRE Humor Jokes

Comments