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The CRE Humor Jokes

Clear to Close* (Please Upload 47 More Things)

Broker: we’re clear to close Friday Lender: need updated T-12, fresh estoppels, a third Phase I, and proof the roof warranty isn’t a rumor Seller: also the anchor quietly triggered co-tenancy yesterday 🙂 Me, in Excel tab 97: CAMs say the building owes me rent 😵

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Expectation: 5 Cap, Reality: Tenant Pays in Vibes

Broker: Stabilized, 98% occupied, turn-key asset Lender: Cool, just need rent roll, 12 estoppels, SNDA, updated ALTA, and your firstborn Me in Excel at 2:47am: NOI says yes, roof, HVAC, and CAMs say l

 
 
 

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