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The CRE Humor Jokes

Clear to Close Friday* (*until the lender logs in)

Broker: We're clear to close Friday Lender: Need updated rent roll, 3 estoppels, a fresh Phase I, and a new roof 'for comfort' Buyer: Can we retrade $500k because the parking stripes feel 2008? Me: Rebuilding the model at 2am - VLOOKUP sobbing - cap rate whispering 'lol' šŸ˜µā€šŸ’«šŸ§®

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When the Lender Says One More Item for the 47th Time

Broker: LOI signed, easy close Lender: Need T-12, rent roll, SNDA, estoppels, Phase I, ALTA survey, and your blood type Appraiser: Using a 2013 Kmart comp; value says your cap rate is a bedtime story

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Mailbox Money vs Co-Tenancy Grenade

Expectation: Mailbox money Reality: Co-tenancy clause detonates when the anchor sneezes Lender: Need 1.25x DSCR and a time machine Owner: Can Excel model 'vibes-based NOI'? šŸ§®šŸ˜µā€šŸ’«

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