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The CRE Humor Jokes

Cap Rate Dreams vs DSCR Reality

ricklahkar
Apr 26
1 min read

Owner: It’s a 5-cap trophy, zero deferred maintenance Lender: At 8% all-in we need 1.35x DSCR and a personal guarantee Appraiser: NOI haircut for market reality and that missing estoppel Me at 2:14am in Excel: if CAM becomes revenue and TI becomes a rumor, it pencils 😂🤡

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Expectation: 5 Cap, Reality: Tenant Pays in Vibes

Broker: Stabilized, 98% occupied, turn-key asset Lender: Cool, just need rent roll, 12 estoppels, SNDA, updated ALTA, and your firstborn Me in Excel at 2:47am: NOI says yes, roof, HVAC, and CAMs say l

When the Lender Says One More Item for the 47th Time

Broker: LOI signed, easy close Lender: Need T-12, rent roll, SNDA, estoppels, Phase I, ALTA survey, and your blood type Appraiser: Using a 2013 Kmart comp; value says your cap rate is a bedtime story

Clear to Close* (*Until Lender Remembers Global Cash Flow)

Broker: LOI signed, victory lap Lender: Need SNDA, updated estoppels, 12-month roof reserve, and your left shoe Landlord: NNNs reconcile after CAM true-up, security guard, and 47 'misc.' line items Cl

The CRE Humor Jokes

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