ChatGPT Image Mar 21, 2026, 05_41_11 PM.png

The CRE Humor Jokes

Cap Rate Catfish: Expectation vs T-12 Reality

2 days ago

1 min read

Expectation: 5.25% cap, clean T-12, lender at 65% LTV, 30-day close ✨ Reality: T-12 is a jpeg, rent roll signed 'Mom', Phase I flags 'former nail salon of doom', roof 1998 Lender: 'Need one more doc' = 47 SNDAs, 3 estoppels from vacant suites, proof the parking lot exists Me at 1:13am: deleting the coffee line item to save DSCR, still emailing LOI to beat the 1031 buyer 😭

Recent Posts

See All

When the Cap Rate Says 6 But the Roof Says 1988

Broker: It's a light value-add Lender: So... $700k deferred capex, 65% occupancy, roofs from 1988? Client: If I Venmo the EMD, can we close Friday? 👀 Me at 2am in Excel: If 'roof leak' is 'tenant ame

When the T-12 Says “Maybe”: Broker vs Lender vs Reality

Broker: LOI signed, vibes immaculate Lender: Need updated T-12, Phase I, SNDA, estoppels, and the roof’s birth certificate 🧮 Appraiser: We used a comp from a 1997 bowling alley two counties over Clie

The Appraisal Came In And So Did My Existential Crisis

Broker: We’re at 65% LTV, appraisal should hit easy Lender: After 'market shift', proceeds down 11% and need fresh estoppels by 3pm Appraiser: Starbucks counts as 'coffee user,' not investment-grade t

The CRE Humor Jokes

Comments