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The CRE Humor Jokes

Broker vs Lender vs Appraiser: DSCR Cage Match

Broker: 65% LTV, DSCR 1.40, smooth close loading... Appraiser: Found a 2019 comp next to a goat farm, adjusted for vibes Lender: Please explain the $27 T-12 variance and also your business model Client: Same rate as last week? Broker: Absolutely—if last week was 2008 Me in Excel: change one input and the cap rate ascends to Mars 🧮😵‍💫

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Term Sheet Says Yes, Appraisal Says LOL

Broker: LOI signed, lender nodding, I preorder the 'Closed' banner Lender: send updated T-12, live rent roll, and proof the roof isn’t a rumor Appraiser: found comps from a C-minus two zip codes away—

 
 
 
When the Appraiser Nukes Your Cap Rate at 4:59 PM

Broker: It pencils at 6.25% cap, T-12 trending up, pro forma tight Lender: Committee wants actuals, SNDAs, and my weekend Appraiser: Calls it 'stabilized' then shaves 12% because a 2009 comp sneezed M

 
 
 

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