ChatGPT Image Mar 21, 2026, 05_41_11 PM.png

The CRE Humor Jokes

Broker Math vs Appraiser Math: Whose DSCR Is It Anyway?

ricklahkar
21 hours ago
1 min read

Broker: “Stabilized, 7-cap, turnkey.” Lender: “Cool—drop 92 docs proving tenants aren’t imaginary.” Appraiser: “Using comps: a 2011 warehouse, a cornfield, and vibes—value haircut.” Excel: DSCR = 1.29; Term Sheet = 1.14; Me = hitting F9 like it’s CPR 🧮 Client: “Why is LTC 55% and my equity ask double?” Me: “Clown world financing.” 🤡

Recent Posts

See All

Appraisal Houdini: Watch 10% of Value Disappear Before Closing

Broker: We’re solid—65% LTV, DSCR 1.30, lender happy Appraiser: Subject to roof with 18 months left; used a goat farm comp; value -10% Lender: Add seismic PML, flood cert, and a $300k reserve—then it’

Appraiser Pulled a Llama Barn Comp and My Lender Loved It

Broker: Easy close, 60% LTV and vibes Lender: Send T-12, T-3, T-1, rent roll, ALTA, Phase I, and proof you were born Appraiser: Closest comp is a 2019 llama barn 47 miles away, so cap rate is 10.7% 😂

Broker Math vs Appraiser Math: The Cap Rate Cage Match

Broker: Underwritten at 6.25% cap, clean T-12, lender-ready Lender: Cool—reconcile 4 NOI definitions and prove snow removal is non-recurring Appraiser: Used comps from a 2008 bowling alley; concluded

The CRE Humor Jokes

Comments