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The CRE Humor Jokes

Broker, Lender, Client: The DSCR Hunger Games

Broker: Pro forma says 6.25% cap, turnkey Lender: After T-12, reserves, and my DSCR haircut, it's 3% and feelings Seller: Full price, non-refundable day one, close Friday Me: Change CAM by $0.02 -> Excel circular reference detonates 🧮 Client: Need 80% LTC, 3 yrs IO, and a drive-thru by Tuesday šŸ˜…

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When the Lender Says One More Item for the 47th Time

Broker: LOI signed, easy close Lender: Need T-12, rent roll, SNDA, estoppels, Phase I, ALTA survey, and your blood type Appraiser: Using a 2013 Kmart comp; value says your cap rate is a bedtime story

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Mailbox Money vs Co-Tenancy Grenade

Expectation: Mailbox money Reality: Co-tenancy clause detonates when the anchor sneezes Lender: Need 1.25x DSCR and a time machine Owner: Can Excel model 'vibes-based NOI'? šŸ§®šŸ˜µā€šŸ’«

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