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The CRE Humor Jokes

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Appraisal Said It Depends And My Pro Forma Retired

Expectation: 75% LTV, 1.35 DSCR, appraise at contract Reality: Lender TS (subject to): T-12 scrub, estoppels, rate cap — 19 boxes, 0 souls left Appraiser: using 2019 comps + market feels — value haircut, buzzcut really Phase I: congrats, your parking lot used to be a dry cleaner with hobbies Excel: circular reference activated, IRR entered witness protection 😵‍💫

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Term Sheet Says Yes, Appraisal Says LOL

Broker: LOI signed, lender nodding, I preorder the 'Closed' banner Lender: send updated T-12, live rent roll, and proof the roof isn’t a rumor Appraiser: found comps from a C-minus two zip codes away—

 
 
 
When the Appraiser Nukes Your Cap Rate at 4:59 PM

Broker: It pencils at 6.25% cap, T-12 trending up, pro forma tight Lender: Committee wants actuals, SNDAs, and my weekend Appraiser: Calls it 'stabilized' then shaves 12% because a 2009 comp sneezed M

 
 
 

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