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The CRE Humor Jokes

Appraisal Just Yeeted My DSCR (and My Will to Underwrite)

Broker: It pencils at 65% LTV and 1.31 DSCR, we’re golden Appraiser: Found a 2015 comp with gravel parking, value down 7% 🤡 Lender: Please add 10% vacancy for market sentiment and resubmit by noon Me: 2am Excel surgery moving $1 from below the line to NOI like a defibrillator 🥲

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Term Sheet Says Yes, Appraisal Says LOL

Broker: LOI signed, lender nodding, I preorder the 'Closed' banner Lender: send updated T-12, live rent roll, and proof the roof isn’t a rumor Appraiser: found comps from a C-minus two zip codes away—

 
 
 
When the Appraiser Nukes Your Cap Rate at 4:59 PM

Broker: It pencils at 6.25% cap, T-12 trending up, pro forma tight Lender: Committee wants actuals, SNDAs, and my weekend Appraiser: Calls it 'stabilized' then shaves 12% because a 2009 comp sneezed M

 
 
 

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