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The CRE Humor Jokes

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Appraisal Hits 48 Hours Pre-Close: Broker Any% Speedrun

Broker: We’re clear to close Lender: Tiny item—need 36 months of roof invoices (for the roof you demo’d) Appraiser: Used three 2016 comps; your Class A valued like a carport 🧮 Client: Still 65% LTV? Me: Absolutely—if LTV = Leave The Valuation 😵‍💫

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Term Sheet Says Yes, Appraisal Says LOL

Broker: LOI signed, lender nodding, I preorder the 'Closed' banner Lender: send updated T-12, live rent roll, and proof the roof isn’t a rumor Appraiser: found comps from a C-minus two zip codes away—

 
 
 
When the Appraiser Nukes Your Cap Rate at 4:59 PM

Broker: It pencils at 6.25% cap, T-12 trending up, pro forma tight Lender: Committee wants actuals, SNDAs, and my weekend Appraiser: Calls it 'stabilized' then shaves 12% because a 2009 comp sneezed M

 
 
 

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