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The CRE Humor Jokes

Appraisal Came In Low And So Did My Will To Re-Trade

Broker: We modeled 5.0 cap, 1.25 DSCR, easy close Lender: Make it 1.35 DSCR, tax escrows, and a $300k TI/LC holdback Appraiser: Pulled comps from the haunted flex space with zero parking šŸ“‰ Me at 2am: Wrestling the circular reference like it owes me earnest money šŸ˜µā€šŸ’«

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Term Sheet Says Yes, Appraisal Says LOL

Broker: LOI signed, lender nodding, I preorder the 'Closed' banner Lender: send updated T-12, live rent roll, and proof the roof isn’t a rumor Appraiser: found comps from a C-minus two zip codes away—

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When the Appraiser Nukes Your Cap Rate at 4:59 PM

Broker: It pencils at 6.25% cap, T-12 trending up, pro forma tight Lender: Committee wants actuals, SNDAs, and my weekend Appraiser: Calls it 'stabilized' then shaves 12% because a 2009 comp sneezed M

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